My All-Powerful Creator

"God is worthy to be trusted."
- Jesse Jost

Ever since I set the date of July 31 as the deadline for finding a job, I knew it was likely that a decision wouldn't be made until the eleventh hour. Judging by past experiences, God seems to provide at the last minute, likely because that is the best way to cause me to grow and ensure my eyes stay focused on Him.

When I moved to Alberta in 2003, a friend said a couple she knew would likely take me in until I could find a place to live. I asked this couple if I could stay with them for two weeks, figuring I could find a place to live in that length of time. Exactly two weeks from the date I arrived in Alberta, almost to the hour, I stopped by an apartment building and finally discovered a clean, cheap, safe place to rent. The timing was impeccable and left no doubt in my mind that it was a result of God's provision.

By the end of the day this past Friday I was left wondering what to do. My criteria for booking a flight home wasn't technically met, but the possibility of an interview or valid job offer were too close to being a reality to ignore. For the past ten months there have been moments when I've been desperate to stay here until my visa expires next year and there have been moments when I've wanted to book the next flight home. Looking for work isn't my idea of a fun way to spend my time, especially when I'm not even given a chance to be interviewed for roles I'm well-qualified to fill. I've been left with plenty of time to think about my future and the desire to return to Canada has grown stronger and stronger. My overall feeling was that my time here is complete - I've had a chance to really settle in and live in England, I've travelled far more than I thought I would, and I'm ready to go back to a normal life. But in spite of that, there are still moments when I think, "I don't want to leave yet! I love England and my church family and I want to keep travelling!"

There have been many moments during the past few weeks when I felt like I was going crazy.

Yesterday while I was praying and thinking about the uncertainty of my future and wondering if I should just book a flight home or give these last two job opportunties a chance to accept me or turn me down, I realized that my desire to return home is purely selfish. I want to return to the ease found in the familiarity of life in Canada, but if God wants to provide me with a job here, I need to accept it with gratefulness, not resignation. One of the reasons I decided to move to England was to learn to live more in the moment and trust God for each of those moments. I like to know what's happening tomorrow and right now I don't know what my tomorrow holds. The side of me that likes to be confident and in control isn't comfortable, but I know it's an opportunity for surrender and I don't want to pass it by.

I have decided to wait for answers from the final two companies with job possibilities, tempting as it may be to slam the door shut and say, "Well, I didn't get a proper job offer or an interview booking by July 31 so I'm going home." It's not for me to close these doors - God can easily close them if He wants to and I've decided to leave it in His hands and not take control.

Jesse and Heidi are a couple I became friends with when I was living in Alberta. They have written a book about relationships and they asked me and several others to read the first draft and provide feedback on the content. I've been working on this project for the past few days and it has been a great thing to focus on. Today I've been working on a section about seeking the will of God. Their words have provided timely reminders of the importance of striving to honour God with my life, taking steps forward, and not worrying about the uncertainties.

"[I know that] He is my all-powerful Creator,
that He is Lord of the universe
and that no purpose of His can be thwarted."
- Jesse Jost